My Journey to Parenthood

My  beautiful daughter is adopted. I rarely use the word adopted when I say "my daughter" because for me and all those that know and love us,  Alex is my daughter, plain and simple. Yet today,  I feel compelled to share my story.
 

Joys of Motherhood

Like many women with autoimmune diseases such as Hashimoto's and Leaky Gut, and Non Celiac- Gluten Sensitivity, I had infertility issues. I spent 3 years going through test after test, trying to find answers. I was shot up with hormones to  the point that my arms look like a drug addict's arms. Needle marks up and down them.

At the time, MRI machines filled a room and were so loud it could deafen a person. MRI machines were new to the medical industry and analyzing the results was an art that had not yet been perfected.  It took 12 doctors to analyze and determine that they thought I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. This diagnosis followed me for many years. It took another  20 years and a much clearer MRI scanning to determine that I did not have this tumor. 

Going on the premise that I did have a pituitary tumor (no one knew the connections with gluten issues and infertility until recently) and reviewing all the possible risks if I did get pregnant, my husband, Richard and I decided to try to adopt. 

I never did like roller coaster rides and the journey to becoming a parent was by far the scariest roller coaster I had ever been on. By the time we had decided to adopt we were exhausted. At first the issue was whether or not we would be able to have a child. As we pursued it, we began to realize there could by very frightening medical issues wrong with me, such as the pituitary tumor and all that would mean. The fear of loss of vision, terrifying surgery and hormone craziness overwhelmed us.

It was my father -in-law who had a moment of clarity while golfing with Richard. He asked why we would continue trying to get pregnant if it meant that the tumor may grow and I could  possibly lose my vision or worse. 

I look back at the moment Richard came home and told me what he and his dad had discussed. It was a moment of relief. An audible release could be heard when I realized Richard and I could have the child we wanted without taking undo risks to my health. And he was more then okay with it. 

We were scared but we started researching the adoption possibilities immediately. Vista Del Mar in Culver City was the adoption agency that helped Richard's aunt and uncle adopt a child years before so we went there to talk to them. We were so comfortable with them that we decided it was the right place to be.

The process took months. There was so much paperwork to fill out. The agency needed to investigate us and then we had to go through counseling.  These months were a gift. It gave us time to mourn the idea that we would not have a biologically child. Then it gave us the time we needed to address the issues of adoption. By the time we got the call that we were chosen by the birth mother we were in such a healthy place.

I got to spend much of the last 7 weeks of the birth mother's pregnancy with her and she honored me by allowing me to be the  Lamaze coach. Watching my child being born was a unique and awesome experience. Holding her in my arms for the first time was like magic. Instant love, immediate bonding and a gift from God I will always be grateful for.   

I love my daughter unconditionally and can't image loving someone more than I love her.  My hope for her is that one day she can reunite with her biological relatives, so that she can have a genetic history as well as a family history. I will be forever grateful that her birth mother chose Richard and I to raise Alex.

For those of you out there struggling with infertility issues, please know that the moment you hold your child, you will forever fall in love. It does not make a difference who carried that child. All that matters is that child is now in your life. 

I truly hope this helps anyone who is going through similar issues and gives them the sense of hope we all need to overcome these challenges.